Should I always start with something positive?

Not necessarily. Open with whatever is most useful. If there are real strengths, mention them honestly, but avoid forced praise that makes the critique seem like a trick.

How do I give feedback to someone more senior?

Frame it as a question or an observation about impact, and focus on shared goals: 'I wonder whether the deadline might be tight for the team. Could we look at it together?'

What if the person gets defensive?

Slow down, acknowledge their view, and return to specific examples. Avoid labelling the person and keep the discussion about the work.

How to Give Feedback in Writing and in Conversation

Published 2026-10-21

Most people avoid feedback because they fear sounding harsh, and then their message is so vague that nothing changes. Effective feedback sits between those extremes: it is honest about the issue, specific about the evidence, and clear about what to do next. The same approach works in an email, a chat message or a one-to-one talk.

Use a simple three-part structure

A reliable format is observation, effect and request. Say what you saw, explain its impact and propose a change.

Observation: In yesterday's report, the summary came after the data tables. Effect: Readers had to scroll to find the conclusion. Request: Could you move the summary to the top next time?

This keeps the focus on the work and gives the other person something concrete to act on.

Be specific instead of general

Vague comments such as 'good job' or 'needs work' do not tell anyone what to repeat or fix. Name the part, the example or the moment.

Vague: Your presentation was too long. Specific: The section on pricing took twelve minutes. Trimming it to three slides would leave time for questions.

Praise that is believable

Praise works best when it is real and detailed. 'The way you opened with the customer's story kept everyone engaged' is more useful than 'great work'. Avoid the 'compliment sandwich' as a rigid formula, because people recognise it and start to distrust the praise. Mention strengths where they exist, and keep critique separate and clear.

Useful phrases for difficult points

'I noticed that...' to start from an observation.
'One thing that would make this stronger is...' to frame the point as improvement.
'I'd suggest...' or 'Have you considered...' to offer options without commanding.
'Help me understand why you chose...' to ask for the reasoning before judging.

These phrases keep the conversation open and signal that you want to understand the situation.

Receiving feedback well

When the roles are reversed, listen to the end before responding. Repeat the main point in your own words to check that you understood, ask for an example if something is unclear, and thank the person even if you disagree. You can decide later what to act on.

Thanks for flagging this. So the main issue is the order of the sections, and you'd like the summary first. Is that right?

Choose the right channel

Praise can be public and written. Critique that could embarrass someone is better delivered privately, and sensitive or emotional topics are best discussed live or by video. Follow up in writing afterwards with the agreed actions, so both of you remember the same thing.

FAQ

Q. Should I always start with something positive?: Not necessarily. Open with whatever is most useful. If there are real strengths, mention them honestly, but avoid forced praise that makes the critique seem like a trick.
Q. How do I give feedback to someone more senior?: Frame it as a question or an observation about impact, and focus on shared goals: 'I wonder whether the deadline might be tight for the team. Could we look at it together?'
Q. What if the person gets defensive?: Slow down, acknowledge their view, and return to specific examples. Avoid labelling the person and keep the discussion about the work.